New Year, New House

We are in the process of buying our first house. So, this is a super exciting time...and also a scary, anxious and expensive time. Our house is close to a grade school, much closer to work and has recently been renovated so all we have to do is move in and make the place our own. Score!

We have a 100 (and counting) page idea book on how we'll decorate and design each room. My organization and creativity obsessions have taken over, I am THAT excited!! Visions of refinishing furniture, diying and thrifting are literally (click it! you won't regret it!) dancing in my head right now.

I think this year will be a good year. The last two have been filled with a lot of medical problems. But, both me and my spouse are finally healing and recovering. And since I've been managing my PCOS symptoms so much better than ever before in my life, I find that I actually have a lot more perspective on some of the crappy events that took place over the last two years. I can let the past be in the past.

My resolution this year is to be present in the moment. To accept myself as I am and not let worry or anxiousness about the past or the future overwhelm my emotions. I've been doing really well with this and I feel so much happier. At first I thought that I was just coping better with the challenging things in my life. Then, this week I decided to splurge a little in the food department and eat some yummy delivery pizza. Two days in a row, even. And on the second day, all the "zen" I had been feeling earlier in the week started to melt away. I was catching myself obsessing over non-issues and not being able to let go of these thoughts that kept needling into my head.

Have you ever been in this situation before? When it hits me, I know that the situation isn't a big deal, but I keep worrying that someone isn't happy with the situation or isn't happy with me or that something bad is going to happen next, even though that's entirely illogical. It seeps into my dreams and my entire day and I drive myself crazy trying to find a way to distract myself. The distractions, by the way, never ever work.

I realized today that the only thing I did differently this week compared with the last 6 weeks was eating the pizza two days in a row. And it's only been the last two days that I started to have these thoughts and feelings. Which left me wondering, could it really be that this pizza jacked up my insulin levels and left me with all these craptastic thoughts? I actually think the answer is "yes."

So, I guess I can't take all the credit for the new high-energy, happy vibes I have most of the time now. But at least I know that I'll get out of the funk I'm feeling and start to be happy and more peaceful again.

Tomorrow I'll start out the week with an awesome yoga class, a little paperwork at the office and more packing at home. I love packing! I found some great tips here and have been putting them to good use. THIRTY-SEVEN days until closing! I can't wait!

Lessons Learned

I can't eat bananas. Though they're a staple ingredient in many GF breakfast cookies and smoothies, bananas are no longer on my good food list.

I started having new symptoms and decided to try eliminating foods I had recently started eating more often... at the top of that list was bananas and next was oats. (I haven't tried eating oats again but I'm hoping they're still on the good food list.)

One day without bananas and my symptoms improved 50%. Three days without bananas and I'm doing 90% better. I was reading online last night and came across this article which explains that the amylose in the bananas was probably causing my symptoms.

I'm learning how to read my body better this week. I am starting to be able to tell if I haven't had enough water to drink because I'll get a headache if I'm dehydrated. I'll wake up in the morning and feel hung over or bloated and realize it's because of something I ate (like tortilla chips or bananas). I notice how much more energy I have and how much less stressed I feel when I eat snacks throughout the day instead of skipping them. All of these things add up to me feeling better each day. And that's a gift I'm happy to be receiving.

Lessons Learned

A bad recipe is just a bad recipe. But it is frustrating as hell to make a bad recipe and then know you can't pop in a freezer pizza for a quick dinner. Or get take out. Or order in. In fact, last night I had a dream that we had ordered pizza in and I was elated because the pizza chain made each pizza to order and ours was one I could eat. And then I woke up. 

My temper tantrum (we've all had this moment right?) tonight stemmed from the 2nd horrible recipe that we made this week. We're not going back to the recipe website ever. Pinterest and Food Gawker are still my favorite places to find new recipes to try. 

And to find things like this

(source)

And right now is the best moment because it's mine and I'm reclaiming it.

Lessons Learned

Receiving my diagnosis was not the worst thing that ever happened to me. In a lot of ways, it was empowering to put a name to the many emotional, physical and psychological things I had been experiencing for so many years. There was something wrong with me that affected every part of my life. I felt like all my effort didn't make a difference, and in some ways that was true because my effort was being put into a lot of the wrong things.

Here are my lessons learned so far...

My body isn't my enemy. 
i just need to learn how to take care of it the right way.

I don't fit into a mold.
what worked for my friends or family didn't work for me, and I didn't know where or how to try something on my own.

I am beautiful.
i don't need to be a certain size or certain weight or certain shape.

I am perfectly imperfect. 
i am me and that is a wonderful, beautiful thing. i am valuable and irreplaceable. it's never okay to expect myself to be perfect.

This isn't about "not cheating" or "being good." 
i don't cheat on my diet. i can't. it's not a diet, it's my life and my lifestyle. sometimes i have dairy or soy or wine or even sugar and it's okay. it's a choice i make and i know i might feel a little crappy if i eat those things. sometimes the chocolate is worth it. i choose to be healthy and feel good and eat the things that make my body feel good.

Life is about living. Enjoying every moment. Finding passion and love, betrayal and trust, Feeling every emotion and knowing the value in the wonderful things in your life. Living with PCOS isn't about holding back or missing out.

My life is about waking up in the morning and feeling better than I did a week ago. It's about finding a recipe that my hubby and I both love eating and partnering together to have a healthy food lifestyle.  Each day my body is healthier and stronger which is something I'll continue for the rest of my life.

I'm learning something new about myself every day...
Self-reflection is a huge part of my life right now. Today I realized that I let go of my work stress on the drive home which rarely happened before. I also looked to my coworkers for help because I needed it which was liberating. Today, I felt good. I felt re-energized when I got home. That's an awesome victory. Tomorrow will bring another one.